That’s what they say. You’d think unexpected pregnancy would increase the soul searching, and I guess it did for a while. But the past few months it’s definitely seemed to have lessened the soul searching. It’s made me realize all of the stuff that I was capable of doing before I got pregnant, but never took advantage of, or thought I couldn’t do. However, there’s nothing like expecting a baby to turn life into a waiting game. Today is not the first day of the rest of your life. Today is another in a series of days leading up to the frist day of the rest of your life, a date which you have a vague approximation of, but which you can’t pinpoint for sure. All plans are tentative. All intentions of going back to school, working, moving etc hinge on a set of conditions you’ve never experienced before and can’t predict, even a little bit.
This isn’t a pity party. This is just how it is. Sometimes in my down time at work I come up with various, elaborate 5 year life plans - then discard them, because who knows? I fully believe in taking responsibility for and control of your life and future, but I’m really in uncharted territory here, and options are extremely limited if I don’t happen to win the lottery. I think about moving back to Seattle, I think about going to school in Portland, or in Boone,NC, or going to park ranger academy in Mt Vernon, WA. Then I think about where the money’s going to come from, and how I’m going to work, go to chsool, pay the bills, and take care of an infant. I suppose plenty of people find some way to make it work. I’ve always been staunchly aginst taking out loans, but now may be the time to start. I’m not pessimistic about any of it, I just worry that I’m overly optimistic. I keep tmaking these plans and then I wonder what makes me think they’re going to be accomplishable. I suppose I shouldn’t question this rare patch of optimism. After all, people who come into things with good expectations usually get what they want.
Have you ever noticed the phenomenon that often you’ll think you want something, you’ll imagine it, fantasize about it, if it’s an opportunity or idea you might research it, think about all the great things associated with it – and then it starts to look real. Then if starts to look like you actually might get it, something else in your brain kicks in and it starts to lose its luster. Maybe it’s the reality center kicking in and saying “hey, let’s be real this is so not going to be as great as you imagine, you’ve been wearing rose colored glasses. In reality this could really suck a lot. Let’s look at the cons. It’ll probably be really boring, like everything else…” Or maybe it’s just that the chase is the fun part and once that thing is attainable, it’s no longer worth it. Or maybe it’s just that the imagining is always better than the reality. I don’t know. Just making an observation.
I’ve been thinking about wwoof (willing workers on organic farms) a lot. It’s totally the sort of thing that I should have done, could have made a lifestyle of, before I got knocked up. There are some pretty sweet opportunities out there – Italy, France, Scotland, British Columbia. Basically, you work on an organic farm, or someplace doing a veggie garden and natural building, or some such. They put you up free, and usually feed you organic vegetarian food too. You put 4-6 hours of work in 5 or 6 days a week and the rest of the time you can sight see, canoe, swim, hike, read, whatever. No rent, no utilities, and you get to learn some serviceable skills and get some sense of satisfaction. It would be a good job for a writer. I’m trying to convince my mother it’s a good retirement plan. She’s sort of into it. Maybe you could eventually work your way to Canadian citizenship.
Oh lordie, it’s only 10:45 here , been at work less than 2 hours, and it’s time for a nap.
This isn’t a pity party. This is just how it is. Sometimes in my down time at work I come up with various, elaborate 5 year life plans - then discard them, because who knows? I fully believe in taking responsibility for and control of your life and future, but I’m really in uncharted territory here, and options are extremely limited if I don’t happen to win the lottery. I think about moving back to Seattle, I think about going to school in Portland, or in Boone,NC, or going to park ranger academy in Mt Vernon, WA. Then I think about where the money’s going to come from, and how I’m going to work, go to chsool, pay the bills, and take care of an infant. I suppose plenty of people find some way to make it work. I’ve always been staunchly aginst taking out loans, but now may be the time to start. I’m not pessimistic about any of it, I just worry that I’m overly optimistic. I keep tmaking these plans and then I wonder what makes me think they’re going to be accomplishable. I suppose I shouldn’t question this rare patch of optimism. After all, people who come into things with good expectations usually get what they want.
Have you ever noticed the phenomenon that often you’ll think you want something, you’ll imagine it, fantasize about it, if it’s an opportunity or idea you might research it, think about all the great things associated with it – and then it starts to look real. Then if starts to look like you actually might get it, something else in your brain kicks in and it starts to lose its luster. Maybe it’s the reality center kicking in and saying “hey, let’s be real this is so not going to be as great as you imagine, you’ve been wearing rose colored glasses. In reality this could really suck a lot. Let’s look at the cons. It’ll probably be really boring, like everything else…” Or maybe it’s just that the chase is the fun part and once that thing is attainable, it’s no longer worth it. Or maybe it’s just that the imagining is always better than the reality. I don’t know. Just making an observation.
I’ve been thinking about wwoof (willing workers on organic farms) a lot. It’s totally the sort of thing that I should have done, could have made a lifestyle of, before I got knocked up. There are some pretty sweet opportunities out there – Italy, France, Scotland, British Columbia. Basically, you work on an organic farm, or someplace doing a veggie garden and natural building, or some such. They put you up free, and usually feed you organic vegetarian food too. You put 4-6 hours of work in 5 or 6 days a week and the rest of the time you can sight see, canoe, swim, hike, read, whatever. No rent, no utilities, and you get to learn some serviceable skills and get some sense of satisfaction. It would be a good job for a writer. I’m trying to convince my mother it’s a good retirement plan. She’s sort of into it. Maybe you could eventually work your way to Canadian citizenship.
Oh lordie, it’s only 10:45 here , been at work less than 2 hours, and it’s time for a nap.
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