Not your mother's wedding vows

Alright, after a leisurely weekend, back to the grindstone. I had another routine dr's appt today. My ex-boyfriend has been e-mailing me, he's changed his mind, and now wants to really be involved, apparently. So I made him cut his hair, sign up for Daddy bootcamp and get a couple days off for my last 2 Lamaze classes, and told him he could have one more chance. (I know, I am weak). So he came to my dr's appt today. I thought it would just be the routine weight and belly measurements, blood pressure, and ask me how I'm doing. But I guess now that I'm within 4 weeks I have to get the exam every week now. Great first activity to attend with your estranged boyfriend. I made him stand in the corner and stare at the wall, which he was only too happy to do.

So, the baby's head is all the way down there, and I'm dialated 1 cm (I know you wanted to know that, but I'm excited). This doesn't really mean anything, except that things are progressing well. It could still be tomorrow or 4 weeks from now. But I'm counting on sooner rather than later. Then I showed the man where the labor and delivery wing was and we oogled the newborns in the nursery window. S O C U T E. So beautiful and wonderful and cute that you can barely stand it. Except their little plastic clipped umbilical cords, which look like some kind of alien apparatus, or something from the Matrix. But the rest of the cuteness eclipses this.

I also went wedding dress shopping with my little sis this weekend. She wanted to check out the David's Bridal $99 sale. They haven't set a date yet, and she wants to make her own dress anyway, but who doesn't want to try on a bunch of wedding dresses and get waited on? I am not a sentimental person, but seeing her up there on the pedestal in the mirrors, decked out in a veil and elegant wedding gown, it made me sniffle a little. She looked so grown up. I thought about trying to make the "dress associates" seek out some "maternity" dresses for me to try on, just for the hell of it, and to see the stares of all the other cutomers, but decided against it.

I have to admit that even I think about my ideal wedding sometimes, my dress, cake, flowers, guest list. But the thought of marriage is enough to dissuade me. I really do equate it to the death of a relationship. I may have something of a skewed perspective because half of my uncles, my parents, and both sets of grandparents have been divorced at least once. And my mom is a social worker, and my dad is a divorce attorney. It's possible.

But I hear horror stories (and see them). My dad likes to tell the story of a couple who came to him for a divorce. They'd been together just shy of 15 years, had kids together, been living together, happy as clams. They finally decided to take the plung, tie the knot, make it official.

6 months later they were in for a divore, at each other's throat, and in the middle of a custody battle. Something about that piece of paper just changes people. I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's the evil influence of the ring... Maybe people just start to feel trapped. Or maybe they (men particularly) just think it means it's the end and they can stop trying. Maybe it's just that try as you might, once you're husband and wife expectations just change. I partially blame sitcoms. How many of those stupid, damned shows have the stay at home, beautiful, obliging wife, and generally absent kids, and the overweight, underacheiving, ungrateful "man's man" husband, who's always trying to put one over on her? But they always make up in the end. Maybe people feel like they have to fall into those roles. My Mom just got remarried last year. She says you have to know someone at least 2 years before you can possibly know them well enough to marry them. She and her husband dated for 2 years prior to marriage. Now (largely because of a very stressful house-building venture, resulting legal woes and financial stress) they are at each other's throats a lot. She says it's like he took a stupid pill when they got married. He just stopped registering what she says, or remembering things that he knew about her before. That he just doesn't pay attention.

I'm certainly not trying to discourage anyone here, or dissuade them from marital bliss. Reportedly, it works for some people. I've even heard rumors of people who've been happily married for 50 years. Hard to fathom, I know. I have even on occassion seen couples who look like something out of a toothpaste commercial and get along like best friends, and go together like fric and frac. Of course, I also sometimes hear about them not working out in the end.

What does marriage even mean nowadays? Legal right to your spouse's property and insurance benefits. That's about it. Is the potential ruin of your long term relationship worth it? Sure you get the party, and the honeymoon, the wedding and the presents, the glow. But that all wears off. All that's left is a sense of smugness that you've snagged somebody permanently, and that you're somehow more legitimate now, that people look at you with more respect.

I'd rather be looked down on and happy.

Tell me a good marriage story, just one. It would cheer me up.